an important step

I don't forward junkmails, chain letters, or anything that says "post this if you love (Jesus, soldiers, America)" but I think this information is too important to end in my inbox. I work with broken hearted people and this concept is not being widely taught. I hope this helps you.

When People Let You Down
by Melanie Chitwood

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8 (NASB)

Devotion:

Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit. I've felt disappointed in many situations - a business opportunity that didn't pan out, a writing door that didn't open, and a relationship that broke my young heart.

The heaviest disappointments for me, however, stem from people. And not just any people; people who I'm closest to. People who turn out to be not at all what I hoped they'd be, or not who I thought they were.

I know I'm not alone in wondering how to deal with people who let me down. Just this week a friend said with a choke in her voice, "I wish my mom and I could be closer, but I don't think we ever will be." Another woman said with despondency, "My husband and I just don't talk." I've heard the edge of bitterness in women's voices as they vow never to trust again because of a friend's betrayal. And most of us have swallowed the hopelessness that comes with a broken heart, "I thought he was the one."

I've tried different ways to handle disappointments in relationships. One way is to ignore the disappointment, to shut it in a box and hope the lid holds. Another way is to gloss over it with a quick statement such as, "People will let you down, but God never will." True, but does this really help me process the hurt?

One morning in my quiet time I was pouring out my sadness, anger and disappointment about a close relationship. As the tears slipped down my face, I begged God to show up. What do I do with all this? Show me and I'll do it because what I've been doing is not working.

Clear as a bell ringing in my spirit, Jesus said, "Grieve."

Really? I questioned. I remembered that Jesus knew all about disappointment - Peter's denial, Judas' betrayal, and the disciples falling asleep during His anguish before His crucifixion (Matthew 26). I remembered people in the Bible who were well acquainted with people they loved letting them down, such as Joseph or Job. I felt reassured that Jesus wouldn't misunderstand my sadness as a lack of faith.

So I cried, feeling every ounce of the disappointment. I told God all the things I wish were different about this relationship, all the things I thought this person had done wrong, and what I wish this person would do differently.

After the winds of grief subsided, I was done. Grieving was the bridge I had to cross to move beyond the disappointment. On the other side I found myself in a place where I could embrace the relationship for what it is, not what it's not.

On the other side of grief lies a place where we can consider how to respond to the person who disappointed us. There are a number of possible responses. Sometimes we need to talk to the person or get godly counsel. Other times we may need to create healthy boundaries, or we may need just to let it go. Only after we've allowed ourselves to grieve, however, will we know how to respond to this person in the way that God wants. Then the words, "People will let you down, but God never will," will be truly comforting, not just empty words.

Dear Lord, I'm so thankful that when it feels like no one else understands, You do. You understand about being disappointed in people but You loved them in the midst of that. Lord, I want to follow Your example. I'm thankful You know this sadness is a part of healing from the pain of disappointment. Give me guidance in handling this -I trust that You can bring good out of this. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Be honest with yourself as you consider someone who has let you down. Have you grieved over the disappointment? Take time to be alone, to be sad, and to cry if you need to. Let go of bitterness, anger, hurt, and unforgiveness. Then ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment about what to do next in this relationship.

Reflections:

Have I unsuccessfully tried to deny that I am hurt or angry by this disappointing relationship?

Is it possible that I've depended on this person more than God?

How does God want to use this disappointment in my life?

Power Verses:

Psalm 42:11, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (NIV)

Psalm 94:19b "When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up." (MES)

Lamentations 3:23, "...Great is your faithfulness." (NAS)

who to thank?

Midweek meeting at church tonight; a special time every few months for small group leaders to gather for training, information, and fellowship. I am blessed to help with event logistics. So I made some forms, ordered some Marie Callender pies, and set out the coffee pots.

Here's my dilemma: I spent the whole evening thanking people and I'm not done yet.

- I thank God that I'm designed to WANT to do such a job.
- I thank Pastor Jeff for sharing the vision God gives him in such an intimate way.
- I thank Pastor Missy for 'representing' so beautifully and for telling on herself.
- I thank Pastor Gene for letting me help him when he could just do it all.
- I thank Pastor Susan for hooking me up with the resources and registration.
- I thank my friend Sue for knowing I would want to do her part while she's gone.
- I thank my husband for appreciating who I am so that I can do this all the time.
- I thank Teresa for driving across town to save me a trip in commute traffic.
- I thank Pastor Willy for walking through the messy parts of so many lives.
- I thank Pastor Rob for bridging the gaps between generations.
- I thank Kelly for seeing a need and filling it.
- I thank Joel for making it all work without ever making a fuss.
- I thank Rafael for leading his team by example and for making sure I'm not the last person to leave.
- I thank Christine for inviting a group of selfless leaders to serve tonight.
- I thank Pastor Yohn for unlocking, supplying, and relocking everything all the time.
- I thank Ashley and Ghilisa for doing whatever the moms ask of them.
- And I thank you for listening to my praises about the body of Christ.

I couldn't keep this all to myself. It's a true dilemma: a meeting about serving people in love and I'm OVERRUN with people serving in love. Father, look what You started!

as a man thinketh

I've been reading the same Bible since 1987. It's a daily Bible, divided into readings for each day. I've been fairly regular in my reading over the years, though I've certainly missed a fair share of days in the past 23 years. I've read about King Solomon many, many times. He's one of my favorite Bible characters. But, I missed some stuff until today.

King Solomon started out strong but then you know the story; he worshipped other gods and didn't follow God's commands. (1 Kings 2:11) So, God split the tribes of Israel and tore the kindgom apart; He did that Himself. Getting lost in the details of northern/southern kindgom, tribes of whatever, then he died and was buried...I just always assumed it must have been the tribes bickering about something or other that split the nation of Israel. I wasn't concerned that I didn't know exactly what caused it. Today I saw that GOD split them. (1 Kings 11:30) God left only the tribes of Judah and Benjamin in the kingdom of Rehoboam (Solomon's son) because He had promised David would have a descendant on the throne forever. One day, God sent a prophet to Jeroboam to tell him he'd be king of the rest of Israel. When the 10 tribes made Jeroboam king, Rehoboam was angry and wanted to go to war. Again, a prophet spoke and told Israel not to fight with their brothers in Judah. And the people listened to the prophet.

You're Jeroboam: just a worker and then the king elevates you to battalion chief, then a prophet tells you you'll be king, then you're crowned king of God's chosen people. Jeroboam definitely had favor and promotion! Then in chapter 12, verse 26, Jeroboam does what we so often do: he "thought to himself." From there on his life goes from bad to worse; he's dead by chapter 14.

Thinking isn't so bad, right? Really? Then why are we commanded to "take captive every thought," and "lean not on our own understanding"? BECAUSE THINKING KILLS. Solomon thought it would be alright to marry women from other lands. (9:24) Rehoboam thought he should go to war and restore all the tribes of Israel. (12:21) Jeroboam thought he'd avoid trouble with the tribes of Judah and make worship safer by building local statues for the people to worship. (12:26) These thoughts mark the first moments which led to the downfall of these great men.

The better alternative? Psalm 77:12; "I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds." Meditate on God's Word. Let it become your first response in every situation. Wouldn't it be great if somebody wronged you and SCRIPTURE was the first thing to fly out of your mouth? If you smashed your finger in the door, you'd let loose with a blessing? I want God's ways and words to never "depart from my mouth." That should be the only thing coming out...

think about it

You know why prayer works? Because it connects us with God. We struggle to connect with family, with friends, with organizations, even with our own emotions and memories. There are hundreds of reasons why we can't or won't connect with people. (And most of those reasons make good sense.) But when we pray we connect with the One who made us.

The only requirement for effective prayer is belief (faith) and God gives us that very faith so that we will believe He will hear us when we finally get around to praying. No chance for failure in that formula.

Who cares what words you use, or if you stumble as you express a thought, or how long it's been? A direct connection to the Sovereign God of the Universe could come in handy right about now.

the trouble with vampires

I've got issues with vampires. First off; ew. (Seriously...EW!)

Then there's Leviticus 17:10. God said to Moses, "Any Israelite or any alien living among them who eats any blood-I will set my face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from his people." So, it's not just the church folk who aren't supposed to do this. God said anyone who lives near us and does this will be risking the wrath of God.

This practice started with unbelieving people knowing that blood contained life and wanting to gain the characteristics of the slain. (speed, strength, etc.) God's people are to rely on Him only.

In early temple practices, blood sacrifice was an offering to God fulfilling the penalty of death and granting forgiveness to the sacrificer. Sacrifice the animal, receive forgiveness. Blood shed proved the death of the sacrificed animal.

Many deadly diseases are transmitted by blood. This law protected the people from infection. Jesus was the final blood sacrifice. Symbolically, we are to remember communion by taking Jesus' life (the cup of His blood) into our lives.

I can see that books, movies, and TV shows about mysterious men who pursue innocent young women and lure them into a loving embrace would draw so many fans. But vampires (in every iteration since prehistoric times) don't just attract or flatter the women; they use them. Vampires are the original addicts.

What I CAN'T see is how so many are blind to the dangers of this form of entertainment. God delineated many "important" regulations (like no murder, no stealing) and He saw fit to mention the drinking of blood. That was enough to help me make my choice about vampires. God has been known to wipe out entire civilizations. I hope it doesn't take burning sulfur raining down or giant cracks in the earth's surface to make the rest turn away from this "entertaining" form of literary evil.

dopey me

This is funny; I have been blogging (sort of) since 2008. I just figured out that people comment on my blog! I know how to read the comments now but I don't know how to make blogspot notify me of the aforementioned comments. I'm such a dork.

mini blog

What was the movie with Robert Redford where office people listened to phone taps and read documents and spied on spies? I wonder if there's an agency somewhere, staffed with people who are forced to read our facebook posts, tweets, and blogs. Those poor people!

I wasn't crying because of Ruth

Let me start by saying that the devil is a liar. I know you believe it but you think it only applies to what you "might" hear him taunt you with in some distant future. You're thinking you're armed and informed and you won't be fooled by him. How do I know? You are well-taught, just as I am. Vanquishing fiery darts, armour on, guard up. We got this, right?

Once again, I have established myself as foolishly myopic.

It's Friday. Bill is home sick and Richard is slacking since he got home from school. I'm trying to get everything done before LIFE Group and Kids' Encounter is tomorrow. Finding out at the last minute that Bill's not doing tech set up early leaves me edgey; I lead worship at Encounters and I am not a fan of spontaneously winging it. Richard not finishing one single chore completely has left me frazzled and delayed me so I'm dashing off to LIFE Group with dinner in hand, feeling snarkey and thoroughly unloved.

Wait, how does a sick man and a lazy child translate to instant unloved woman? I can see how one CAN'T help and one WON'T help, but get a grip, right?

Our LIFE Group is studying love languages. My primary love language is acts of service. This week's lesson focuses on getting your love tank filled up. My love tank is not just dry...I think it's been removed entirely and nobody has even checked the gauge lately. So, Queasy, the Wonder Tech and his sidekick Doof Boy are unlikely to facilitate a fill-up. I participate in LIFE Group, whine a bit, say my goodbyes, and Ruth reminds me that I could make a change. She's surprised when I leave suddenly, choking back tears.

This is where it gets interesting...

I come home and head off to the grocery store to pick up some last minute supplies. As I pull into the parking lot of Safeway, I have a death grip on the steering wheel and I'm cranky all over again. I park in the furthest, darkest spot and lock the doors as I turn off the car. I grab the box of kleenex and make up my mind that I'm not leaving the car until I've worked this through.

As I remind God of my many burdens and all the emotions flooding through me I realize that this much hurt cannot be eminating from one single day. Lord, please help me get free from this emotional pain. It's not blessing anyone. I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Why? Because nobody cares and I have to do it all. Hmmm; have I felt this before?

Instantly I'm five years old again. (That was quite a jump back in time...nearly 45 years.) Why am I crying? Feeling all alone. Then I say, "Who will take care of me? What if I don't do it right?" My sad, sobbing little voice does not sound the same as the angry woman who refused to leave the car. The lie I believed in that moment so many years ago was still with me and I realize it has been influencing my thinking. My parents were divorced when I was five. I was small and afraid then and didn't know how to navigate a future without both of my parents to help me. That's not the case now.

So, I asked the Lord to show me His truth for that situation. I began watching a dozen events and situations flying toward me in my mind from off in the distance, like billboards racing by as you speed down the highway. God has always taken care of me. And I've been doing the right things all my life. Even when I made lousy choices I still tried to do the right thing as I walked them out. Tears of joy have replaced the sad sobs. I'm not alone and I don't have to be afraid or do it all. Big sigh, followed by a nose blow.

I shop for my groceries and go home. I have the tomatoes I need and I am done with the pain I had associated with responsibility all those years ago. Thank you, Father, for illuminating the damage of the past and severing emotional connections to wrong thinking. Only You could make that happen one rainy night on the way to the store...

ships need sails

When our Pastor began the process of unveiling the vision for our church, I cringed. My church was just fine. It was very evident that God himself was going to have to bring the change to pass. I was simply going to stand by and observe; maybe even comment. But I wanted nothing to do with the "trend of the month" club. I had seen the players and they were lacking. They jumped on the bandwagons almost as fast as they jumped off.

That's precisely how they snagged me. Pastor called on me to step in and minister to the next generation. Bring commitment to the unfaithful; integrity to the slighted. He caught me up in the gust of wind that filled the sails of that original raft. It was poorly built and inhabited by a mangey bunch of malnourished souls. I had been blessed to benefit from fine teachers and dedicated servants early in my Christian walk. It was time to give back. Alright, alright, I'm in. So I lashed myself to the mast and prepared to set sail with this wiley bunch of posers and stowaways.

I knew I wanted to be part of the journey God was sending us on. I had felt the wind in my hair and wanted the sea spray on my face. The Word was living and active and people were excited. God was proven as the Creator who cared. Jesus was more than the smiling guy in the video. The Holy Spirit was comfort and power and our mysterious personal ally.

The waters were sometimes smooth and then rough. The vessel was being rebuilt with each life we took on. The skill of one became the essential surgical tool for another. The burden of the next person we fished from the waters seemed to confirm the purpose of every past suffering. We needed each other. There was no more rescuer and rescued; we were fellow passengers making this journey together.

What turned us from wary skeptics and ravaged flotsam into crewmates bound to serve each other? We were actively engaged in loving each other. I extended my faith and you received encouragement. You acknowledged encouragement and I was inspired by what God could do with my filthy rags. This divine exchange was undeniable.

But the bartering could have stopped there. We improved the vessel. We strenghtened each other. We were bound by love. We knew God was with us. We had no trouble seeing how associating with another small team of like-minded folks would be good for us. We needed fellowship, support, and bonding. We found a LIFE Group and we joined in. Then they asked us to invest in the lives of others and commit to lead a LIFE Group. Splashing and flailing and diving ensued. We were certainly not going to assume that all the led were meant to be leaders. Some were just followers, right?

My vessel was rocking wildly and taking on water in the process. I did not want to be a leader and the seasick travelers did not want me to lead them. It was a rough journey from the start. I tried, I failed, I talked, I listened, I scrambled, I settled in. I got my feelings hurt and I hurt the ones I meant to love. And then I saw it...I had acquired something during my travels. Being loved by God in my need wasn't enough, it's easy to love the God of love. Serving God from my strengths wasn't enough. I had found an anchor.

God loves me and I love Him but now I love the souls He has entrusted to me. I can clap for them when they succeed and I can cry for them when they fail. I can hurt when they fall away and I can stand in the gap until they return. But my love for them is my anchor in any storm because only God could make me love them more than I love myself.

I will daily seek God's nourishment for my soul. I will quit polishing the brass and waxing the wood for show. I will go without and try not to complain about church budgets or worship styles. I must remain seaworthy because this is a human flotilla, not a cruise ship.